A Series Of Star Wars Memos From Yours Truly...

[starvinbohemian]

Mr. Lucas, after the first two Star Wars films you gave us during recent years, I was under the impression that you had lost your mind. My abject horror can be summed up in three syllables:

Jar Jar Binks.

I admit that I had wished that you never bothered to make any more films beyond the original trilogy if only to spare myself and the rest of your fan base from the agony of having our respect and love crushed by the heels of a mad-former-genius.

With all of that in mind, let me just say that you have fully redeemed yourself with Revenge of the Sith. I didn't think it possible after the first two, but you have managed to fit the final puzzle piece into its slot with a genius I had thought you lost. My faith in you has been restored. Good job.

ADDITION: At the urgings of a Ms. [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com], it must be added to this memo that you have clearly become misogynist in your old age, most likely as the result of several failed marriages and or affairs. It's okay, though. Those Jedi women didn't need heroic deaths, anyway. I'm sure they were happy enough with the lightsaber accessory kits they received at their knighting ceremonies. Women don't need positive role models or heroines to worship while they're watching your films. No, really, it's okay! Anakin's beautiful golden locks were close enough.

End Memo.


Mr. Christensen, since the debut of Attack of the Clones, I have been continuously defending your acting ability to the masses in the manner of a crazed preacher to the mad hobos. You proved in Life As A House that what we saw in the second movie was not your fault, but the fault of Mr. Lucas and his screen-play from the bowls of hell. Now, I... Well, I'll still have to do that, but damn boy, you are one hot mofo! That hair was... *Spasm* I wouldn't kick you out of bed.

Now, if you will put on your Darth Vader costume for a moment, just let me say this:

YOUNGLINGS!!!!!!!! MACE WINDU!!!! Frankenstein-esque Noooooo! bellow! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Thank you for your time.

End Memo.



Mr. Kenobi, perhaps you are aware of the rampant slash on the internet involving your person. Of course, you are a Jedi Master, and therefore, you must at least be aware of the intense lust vibes being projected at yourself at an almost constant rate over the past few years. I think it's time to draw your attention to the fact that you are, in fact, very much in love with your former Padawan learner, Anakin Skywalker. There really is no denying it, Mr. Kenobi.

Brother? More like LUVAH! Seriously.

End Memo.



Ms. Castle-Hughes, what the hell are you doing in Revenge of the Sith?

End Memo.



Ms. Naberrie, you are a disgrace to your gender, and LOST THE WILL TO LIVE, MY ASS!

End Memo.

Comments

[go-aggies04.livejournal.com]

yeah, I loved it too. The bit at the end was a little much but I got a good laugh out of it anyway. As for Padama? Yeah, her death was lame, if I had two adorable babies I would find a way to live. However, losing your soul mate to the dark side can't be easy, especially as he is a very fine looking man.

[arisingstarlet.livejournal.com]

Will you not comment on the role of women in the films!?!?!? I mean damn at least one of them could have fought back. They were jedi for christ sake! Gosh...

[graycloud.livejournal.com]

LOL!!! OMG that was really funny.

Um...but,
YOUNGLINGS!!!!!!!! MACE WINDU!!!! Frankenstein-esque Noooooo! bellow! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!...huh?

I'm sure they'll always be LUVAHs to you...if only you.

[ashe-frost.livejournal.com]

Actually I thought he was really bad in Life As a House, too. He played attitudes instead of intentions. But the hottness almost made up for it. Well, not really. But he is super hot. And he was a little better in Shattered Glass. They said they picked him as Anikan because they wanted a "raw" talent. That means he was bad but he looked the part. He's not horrible.. He's just from the Keanu Reeves school of acting.. I love Keanu. I don't think he's as bad as all that.. But you know.. He's sort of bad.

[anotherdreamer5.livejournal.com]

I think "Life as a House" was the mantra of a lot of people after the last movie. We were like, no worries. It wasn't his fault! Lucas's script effing sucked (frockling in the fields WHAT?). And now i see this and Natalie POrtman just... puh. She was great through but what the hell did she die for?

I still haven't seen the movie (effing ITALY!), but (and I am more than a little ashamed and only admitting it because you seemed to have as well) I have read the book. It was a great book. He wanted to become a master to save her. He loved her. she lvoed him. She wasn't thinking of him as the jedi they cou all trust. Kenobi's SUPER humble. And "it was the age of heroes, but they had saved the best for last." Yeah, I don't have the book with me, I'm just effing dorky.

Later.

[frigginspaz.livejournal.com]

Brother? More like LUVAH! Seriously.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE THAT.

You know what? I was prepared to write out this whole thing about "Stop being so cynical" and "it's just a movie" because I assumed your memos would be mini-rants. Well, some of them were, but I was expecting this whole "I hated it, it should die, DIE DIE DIE" thing, but instead, I read the whole thing about George Lucas redeeming himself with Episode III.

P.S. It's Jar-Jar Binks. Duh.

...I get bored, so I post pictures.

[glassxhouses.livejournal.com]

I was an itty-bitty when I saw Phantom Menace and AotC and consequently thought Jar Jar Binx was funny. Am in the process of majorly WTF-ing myself.

Am looking v. forward to seeing Revenge of the Sith, because I still have not. Have heard it redeems George Lucas. Cannot hope for it to really compare to the original trilogy, but can hope for a good movie.

Mr. Christensen, you spin me right 'round.
Drool.

[rose-pagonias.livejournal.com]

*steps onto podium* *ahem*I have been defending him and his acting skills too because of Life As A House because I adore that movie and think he proved me wrong in that film. Plus, ever since I saw him on the cover of Teen People I have been lusting after the poor boy. With that said, the third movie was MUCH better than the second. I can only take so many corny romantic scenes before I want to burst out into laughter. Jar Jar Binks should have never even been in the second movie, his role was pointless. I know in the first one he had a reason for being there, but did he honestly have to talk that way? I mean, no one else that was of his kind was that annoying. And really, did Lucus have to go and make him kill all the children? *stamps foot* I almost cried god damn it!!! I do NOT cry during films!! It just never happens!! I felt weird and uncomfortable. Also, loosing the will to live? PAH! Like I believe that. *steps off of podium*

I'd like to thank the academy.

~Lauren