A Series Of Star Wars Memos From Yours Truly...

[starvinbohemian]

Mr. Lucas, after the first two Star Wars films you gave us during recent years, I was under the impression that you had lost your mind. My abject horror can be summed up in three syllables:

Jar Jar Binks.

I admit that I had wished that you never bothered to make any more films beyond the original trilogy if only to spare myself and the rest of your fan base from the agony of having our respect and love crushed by the heels of a mad-former-genius.

With all of that in mind, let me just say that you have fully redeemed yourself with Revenge of the Sith. I didn't think it possible after the first two, but you have managed to fit the final puzzle piece into its slot with a genius I had thought you lost. My faith in you has been restored. Good job.

ADDITION: At the urgings of a Ms. [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com], it must be added to this memo that you have clearly become misogynist in your old age, most likely as the result of several failed marriages and or affairs. It's okay, though. Those Jedi women didn't need heroic deaths, anyway. I'm sure they were happy enough with the lightsaber accessory kits they received at their knighting ceremonies. Women don't need positive role models or heroines to worship while they're watching your films. No, really, it's okay! Anakin's beautiful golden locks were close enough.

End Memo.


Mr. Christensen, since the debut of Attack of the Clones, I have been continuously defending your acting ability to the masses in the manner of a crazed preacher to the mad hobos. You proved in Life As A House that what we saw in the second movie was not your fault, but the fault of Mr. Lucas and his screen-play from the bowls of hell. Now, I... Well, I'll still have to do that, but damn boy, you are one hot mofo! That hair was... *Spasm* I wouldn't kick you out of bed.

Now, if you will put on your Darth Vader costume for a moment, just let me say this:

YOUNGLINGS!!!!!!!! MACE WINDU!!!! Frankenstein-esque Noooooo! bellow! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Thank you for your time.

End Memo.



Mr. Kenobi, perhaps you are aware of the rampant slash on the internet involving your person. Of course, you are a Jedi Master, and therefore, you must at least be aware of the intense lust vibes being projected at yourself at an almost constant rate over the past few years. I think it's time to draw your attention to the fact that you are, in fact, very much in love with your former Padawan learner, Anakin Skywalker. There really is no denying it, Mr. Kenobi.

Brother? More like LUVAH! Seriously.

End Memo.



Ms. Castle-Hughes, what the hell are you doing in Revenge of the Sith?

End Memo.



Ms. Naberrie, you are a disgrace to your gender, and LOST THE WILL TO LIVE, MY ASS!

End Memo.

Comments

[ashe-frost.livejournal.com]

Actually I thought he was really bad in Life As a House, too. He played attitudes instead of intentions. But the hottness almost made up for it. Well, not really. But he is super hot. And he was a little better in Shattered Glass. They said they picked him as Anikan because they wanted a "raw" talent. That means he was bad but he looked the part. He's not horrible.. He's just from the Keanu Reeves school of acting.. I love Keanu. I don't think he's as bad as all that.. But you know.. He's sort of bad.

[starvinbohemian.livejournal.com]

*Shudders* A student of the Keanu school of acting? That's way harsh. :( I don't love Keanu on any level. He's a cardboard cut-out that can recite lines. I was very impressed by Hayden in LaaH, but I'll admit that I spent half the film in a lustful coma between him and Ian Somerhalder as the gay pimp. Mmn.

[ashe-frost.livejournal.com]

Yeah.. He was bad, from a textbook standpoint. He was like, "Blah! I am rebellious and my character would be so cool if I didn't make him two dimensional!"

And I don't think Keanu is all that terrible. He acts, he just seems wooden because it's hard to distinguish his range of emotion, because is voice is so monotone. He's a really cool guy, actually. And if River Phoenix liked him, he can't be all bad.