starvinbohemian (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
starvinbohemian) wrote2005-05-23 04:52 pm
starvinbohemian) wrote2005-05-23 04:52 pm
A Series Of Star Wars Memos From Yours Truly...
Mr. Lucas, after the first two Star Wars films you gave us during recent years, I was under the impression that you had lost your mind. My abject horror can be summed up in three syllables:
Jar Jar Binks.
I admit that I had wished that you never bothered to make any more films beyond the original trilogy if only to spare myself and the rest of your fan base from the agony of having our respect and love crushed by the heels of a mad-former-genius.
With all of that in mind, let me just say that you have fully redeemed yourself with Revenge of the Sith. I didn't think it possible after the first two, but you have managed to fit the final puzzle piece into its slot with a genius I had thought you lost. My faith in you has been restored. Good job.
ADDITION: At the urgings of a Ms. [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com], it must be added to this memo that you have clearly become misogynist in your old age, most likely as the result of several failed marriages and or affairs. It's okay, though. Those Jedi women didn't need heroic deaths, anyway. I'm sure they were happy enough with the lightsaber accessory kits they received at their knighting ceremonies. Women don't need positive role models or heroines to worship while they're watching your films. No, really, it's okay! Anakin's beautiful golden locks were close enough.
End Memo.
Mr. Christensen, since the debut of Attack of the Clones, I have been continuously defending your acting ability to the masses in the manner of a crazed preacher to the mad hobos. You proved in Life As A House that what we saw in the second movie was not your fault, but the fault of Mr. Lucas and his screen-play from the bowls of hell. Now, I... Well, I'll still have to do that, but damn boy, you are one hot mofo! That hair was... *Spasm* I wouldn't kick you out of bed.
Now, if you will put on your Darth Vader costume for a moment, just let me say this:
YOUNGLINGS!!!!!!!! MACE WINDU!!!! Frankenstein-esque Noooooo! bellow! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Thank you for your time.
End Memo.
Mr. Kenobi, perhaps you are aware of the rampant slash on the internet involving your person. Of course, you are a Jedi Master, and therefore, you must at least be aware of the intense lust vibes being projected at yourself at an almost constant rate over the past few years. I think it's time to draw your attention to the fact that you are, in fact, very much in love with your former Padawan learner, Anakin Skywalker. There really is no denying it, Mr. Kenobi.
Brother? More like LUVAH! Seriously.
End Memo.
Ms. Castle-Hughes, what the hell are you doing in Revenge of the Sith?
End Memo.
Ms. Naberrie, you are a disgrace to your gender, and LOST THE WILL TO LIVE, MY ASS!
End Memo.
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MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE THAT.
You know what? I was prepared to write out this whole thing about "Stop being so cynical" and "it's just a movie" because I assumed your memos would be mini-rants. Well, some of them were, but I was expecting this whole "I hated it, it should die, DIE DIE DIE" thing, but instead, I read the whole thing about George Lucas redeeming himself with Episode III.
P.S. It's Jar-Jar Binks. Duh.
...I get bored, so I post pictures.
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Just a movie??? Star Wars is a cultural religion, my friend, that spans across decades. So, don't even. *Snaps fingers*
I can't see the pic, but I'm sure I don't really want/need to. ;)
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I know it's not "just a movie" but I was prepared for a notorious Kellie spaz attack/movie flame. That was my ammunition, I guess. I dunno. Don't ask.
And the pic was Ewan in Obi-Wan garb (from the first episode, though, with the hair I love so much). :D
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Lol. The crazy-mullet-Padawan hair?
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No, no, no, it's notorious and you know it.
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