Star Trek (Crack) Fic Recs...

[starvinbohemian]

Geez, Trek Reboot is the most prolific fandom ever! I don't have time to read the billions of fics that cross my flist every day, so they just keep building and building up in my bookmarks. Since there are way too many good fics to rec, I decided to limit it to my favorite crack pieces. I think my favorite thing about Reboot fandom is that they've decided to write Jim Kirk as a hilariously huge ditz. As is most logical, my recs reflect this amusement.


Title: Cut and Fucking Paste and its sequel Edit.
Author: [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com].
Rating: PG-13.
Pairings: Kirk-->Spock, Spock/Uhura.
Summary: The mindmeld is messing with Kirk's head. Absolute best crack in the world.

"Mr. Scott. What is the one thing I hate more than anything else in the entire universe?"

Cringing, Scotty's eyes turn even more apologetic than before. "Having your pain and personal life being made into fodder for the shipwide gossip mill, sir?"

Jim feels his expression turn baffled. "Dude, have we met? No, fuck, I hate being left out of the loop, you know that! Look, I get that the crew wants to gossip about their senior officers. That's cool-- fun tradition. But Scotty! I thought we were Delta Vega bros forever! We almost got tattoos together! Forward me all the good stuff, okay? No one's going to get in trouble, jeez. Unless they say racist shit about Vulcans, because, you know, fuck that noise."

Scotty frowns. "You-- want to be in the loop. Of gossip. About you."



Title: The Fistbump is Non-Optional.
Author: [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com].
Rating: PG.
Summary: This was why he was captain, and also awesome.

"In brief, Mr Spock," Kirk said. "Can you bust us out?"

Spock sighed. "Correct," he said. "I am capable of 'busting us out.'"

"Dude," Kirk said, hefting his fist. "Fistbump."

"I apologize, Captain, but I must refrain," said Spock. "I have seen where your hands have been and until you have sterilized the effected areas, preferably on a subdermal level, I do not wish to be in contact with any portion of your anatomy."

Kirk's fist wavered, as did his face, but he only straightened his elbow and held his fist out with even greater resolve. This was why he was captain, and also awesome.


Title: Four Consequences of the Unexpected and Unlikely Friendship Between James T. Kirk and Nyota Uhura.
Author: Tris B.
Characters/Pairing: Jim & Nyota, Spock/Uhura, Kirk/McCoy implied.
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Jim and Nyota become BFFs. God help the rest of them.

"Did you ask him?"

Nyota's horrified look spoke volumes. Jim flapped his hands above the table excitedly. "Pon farr pon farr pon farr pon farr!" he chanted intelligently, tapping out a rhythm with his feet.

Nyota buried her face in her hands. "It's really special when you manage to upset a Vulcan. Jim. They don't talk about it. EVER. I didn't know anything could be that awkward."

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god!" he exulted, now fairly wriggling with glee. "I love Vulcans the most! Oh my god."


Title: Salute.
Author: [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com].
Characters/Pairings: Spock/Uhura, Kirk, McCoy.
Rating: PG.
Summary: Most kid!fic is inevitably going to suck (not that I don't want more of it, mind you), but this was so hilarious and adorable a look at Kirk interfering with Spock and Uhura's parenting that I couldn't resist. Uncle Jim! D'aww.

Five-year-old Sochya regarded Uncle Jim seriously. "I think you're lying."

Uncle Jim clutched his heart in mock agony. "Sochie! Would I do that to you?"

"You have done so in the past."

"Sochie, the Tooth Fairy wasn't a lie," he replied patiently. "Well, not exactly."


Title: And None of the Benefits.
Author: [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com].
Pairing: Spock/Uhura.
Rating: G.
Summary: "She should have known better than to involve herself with a teacher." Recced because Spock/Uhura is geek!love, and the idea of him torturing her with crossword puzzles warms my cold, bitter heart.