Deathly Hallows Review...

[starvinbohemian]

Okay, I've finally finished that damned book. After much avoidance, indifference, denial, annoyance, anger, betrayal, and several tantrums wherein I vowed to never finish it out of protest and to abandon anything and everything Harry Potter forever and ever...

My more-than-slightly bitter review. Judging by the many favorable responses I've read here, my rancor could be kind of jarring at this moment in time. Sorry, but the truth is that I'm feeling extremely bitter and betrayed by J.K. Rowling. Are you getting that? ;) I devoted so many years of my life to Harry Potter, and I don't feel that she met any of the expectations she set herself up for. Anyway.




The Good:

*Voldemort/Bellatrix is so freaking canon. There's my crazy, bad!love ship. But what the hell happened to Rodolphus??? Bellatrix, what happened to your husband???

*Err... Dumbledore/Grindelwald. I hesitate to list it, because it's Dumbledore and ewwwww. But at the same time, it's hard to ignore the steaming pile of slash Rowling handed us with that.

*Aberforth/Ariana/Goat. What? I like messed up things, and the Dumbledore family apparently hits plenty of those kinks. I don't have to explain myself! Shut up!

*Next-Gen slash. OMG, Teddy/James forever! Teddy is going to be so fucked up. XD I'm all for Albus/Scorpius on an aesthetic level (obviously), but... Well, the idea of having to read copious amounts of "Oh, Albus! Albus!" is going to make me go, "GAH! Dumbledore! SQUICK! AKAXESDS!" Plus, it's kind of like Draco/Harry lite, with all the interesting sucked out. Eh.

*The Malfoys. That's... pretty much it. NARCISSA ROCKS MY WORLD!!!! And take that all of you punks who've been saying all this time that Draco's parents didn't really love him, or that Draco didn't really care about Crabbe and Goyle. Ha!





The (Considerably Longer) Bad:

*Um... Everything else? *Sigh*

*J.K. Rowling cannot write romance or relationships to save her life. She can't. All Ginny-hate aside, Rowling did not sell me on Ginny's "great love" with Harry because she failed to develop it properly. She didn't develop it at all. There was no progression. It was just suddenly there like a patch of festering mold that you hadn't noticed growing behind the trashcan (okay, so not all Ginny-hate aside- this is me after all). Harry never notices Ginny, and then, suddenly, she's the most beautiful, amazing girl ever? Err, okay. I don't care for Ron/Hermione, but they are really the only romantic couple in the entire series to get a natural progression so that their relationship didn't feel forced or contrived at the last minute. All of the other "new" relationships took place off stage. Which leads me to my next frustration...

*Remus/Tonks. Now, I loved this pairing long before there was ever a hint of it in canon. So, how the hell Rowling could completely fuck it up after actually making it canon kind of blows my mind. I don't think she could have driven the words "sham marriage" more home if she had Remus yelling them while making love to Sirius' picture. He wasn't even with her in the afterlife! The handling of Tonk's entire character was so botched by the last two books that I'm still in despair over it.

*Why is Rowling so freaking Freudian??? She swears she has no issues with her father, but I no longer believe her. Couple that comment she once made about the bad events of the series being the result of a series of bad fathers with the fact that all of her male characters want to marry their mothers... *Shudder* Harry/Ginny is creepy, because it's a sick recreation of James/Lily. When Harry made that comment about wanting to stare at his mother forever, I thought, "Well, great. Because you will when you marry Ginny." Geez. And don't try to tell me that Hermione isn't a young Mrs. Weasley. We won't even go into the number of mama's boys we've got here...

*A reversion right back to the "Good and Evil are Black and White." After all of the bits about shades of gray, and how they needed to extend a hand to Slytherin House, what happens? Oh, no, just kidding. All Slytherins really are evil, and Snape should have been in Gryffindor because he wasn't? Wow, thanks, Dumbledore. Thanks, Rowling, for that bit of insight. Or, how about: No, fuck you. Harry's little speech in the epilogue to his son didn't make up for ANYTHING when the message wasn't supported by, you know, the seven books. What about the goblins? They're in the same boat as the Slytherins. Berated and mistreated throughout the entire series, but with no moment of revelation from the "good guys" that they were wrong for it all along. Do you think Slytherins, goblins, or even house elves are going to be treated better after the events of Book 7? I don't. I think the first thing out of their mouths is going to be, "Okay, fight's over. We're hungry. Get back into the kitchens and make us dinner, elves!"

*Ginny, Ginny, and more Ginny. Have I mentioned how much I hate Ginny? Because I do. Hate Ginny, that is. I hate Ginny so much that when Cho made her reappearance, I said, "Yeah, Cho! Come, work your whore magic on Harry, because anyone is better than Ginny. Hell, where's Luna? Anyone else who I never wanted to see Harry with hanging around? Because all are welcome now! Come! Enjoy the canon fruit that I so wanted to deny you in years past!"

*The deaths. None... of... them... made... sense. If you'll recall, I wanted a bloodbath. I lost faith in her that she would have the balls to kill off a handful of characters. But this? Pettigrew? Dobby? Hedwig? Fred? Remus? Tonks? What was the point of these? They were all random deaths that didn't further the plot at all. What was the point of emphasizing Pettigrew's life-debt with Harry and the fact that he was one of the "wonderful" Gryffindors for a reason if there wasn't going to be a follow-through? Also, Remus and Tonks die off-screen! WTF??? I think Snape's death-by-floating-snake-tank was the most WTF? moment of the entire series for me. I mean, Dobby the bloody house elf got the greatest emotional send-off of the entire book. How is that not wrong?

*Snape/Lily. I'm sorry, but no. It wasn't a surprise in the slightest after Rowling went on in that interview about Snape having a past love. I mean, who else? (*Was secretly hoping it would turn out to be Narcissa*) After years and years of speculating on why Snape finally turned traitor on the Death Eaters, I can't stomach that it was such a sappy reason. To quote [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com]: "Severus Snape was the most fascinating, the most larger-than-life fictional character that has been created in all of literature throughout the past 30 years at least. He was a phenomenon even above the HP phenomenon itself; a character that both polarized and united everyone who read him." I ADORED Snape, and I wanted more. I feel... cheated.

*The (past and present) villains. Call me crazy, but I wanted all of my favorite villains to remain badass right up until the end. What happens instead? They all get downgraded to teary, pathetic shadows of their former selves. Lucius. Snape. Bellatrix. Draco. Voldemort was killed by boredom during Harry's long-winded, sanctimonious speech. The list goes on.

*Crabbe! Draco/Goyle/Crabbe was my Trio. Why the hell did Crabbe have to go there at the end? Why did he have to die like that? You're going to hate me, but his death was the only one that actually got to me in this book. I could care less about most of the other deaths. :/

*Ron and Neville. I never liked them, and I sure as hell don't now. I don't care if he came back, Ron is still the jackass who left. I also don't care how much Rowling wanted me to love Neville. Because I don't. Sorry.

*The ship-killing. It wasn't necessary, but she did it anyway. Deliberately, I'd say. The only ships to survive this book are the abomination that is Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione. I admit that I always preferred Harry/Hermione, but I've never been an active shipper. Nonetheless, her blatant killing of the ship was unnecessary and kind of jarring for yours truly. Rowling is very aware of all the Harry/Hermione shippers in her fanbase, and she's done nothing but condescend to them. Again: unnecessary.

*The epilogue. I firmly support the majority of fandom that says, "Epilogue? What epilogue?" All Ginny-hate aside (again)-- Goddamn you, Rowling, you couldn't give me Pansy as Draco's wife at the end? That was too hard for you? I'm pretty sure that Frenrir bloody Greyback got away, but Pansy is the one who gets the shaft in the end? Succinctly said: I hate you. In my mind, Pansy just got herself a nose job in the years since Harry had seen her last, so he didn't recognize her on the platform. STFU, that's what happened, okay?

*Albus Severus. OMG, that kid would so get his ass kicked. And when his parents and siblings have such normal names? Ouch. Although, all the dead!people names were creepy, because Harry and Ginny are already creepy-Oedipus-complex-realized without throwing in his dead parent's names (and appearances) into the mix.

*I still know nothing about Andromeda or Ted! Their relationship was one of the most intriguing of the whole series for me. Who were these people? Andromeda gave up everything to be with Ted. Why? I was expecting an irresistible Oliver Mellors (gardener who seduced Lady Chatterly away from her husband) type. Apparently not. And how the hell can Harry tell if someone is "haughty" after two seconds in the same room with them? Shut up, Harry.

*The lack of resolution. Who actually survived the final battle? Don't ask me, because I sure as hell don't know. There seemed to be a pile of corpses covering the ground, but Harry clearly thought it was more important to make gooey eyes at Dumbledore's portrait than to see who he was stepping over to get up there. I'm pretty certain that a group of deranged serial killers just got away unscathed. What? No one cares? Happily ever after? Err, all right. Sure.



That's really just the tip of the iceberg. But I'm tired. And angry. And soooo over Harry Potter. Good night.

Comments

[roannaweenie.livejournal.com]

J.K. Rowling cannot write romance or relationships to save her life.

AGREED. D:

Ginny, Ginny, and more Ginny. Have I mentioned how much I hate Ginny? Because I do. Hate Ginny, that is.

*applauds you on* God, JKR sprouted her into the series as an ordinary little Weasley girl who had a crush on Harry, and how she's this extremely popular snogging-half-the-school individual prancing around with the Boy Who Lived on her side. Ick.

All Ginny-hate aside (again)-- Goddamn you, Rowling, you couldn't give me Pansy as Draco's wife at the end?

I KNOW. FUCKING LORD. That dissappointed me so much @_@

--

Needless to say, I agreed with a lot you have written XD

[starvinbohemian.livejournal.com]

My head is still reeling from how fast Ginny went from meek, invisible girl to the Hogwarts bicycle. But I've expounded on the subject so many times that I'm pretty sure the world collectively wants to say, "OMG, shut up about it already!" ;)

Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out how this last book really affected Draco/Pansy for me. On the one hand, I never let them have a happily ever after in my fics either. XD On the other, I really wanted it in canon. *Pouts*

[jaina.livejournal.com]

Some of this I agree with, some not so much (I DO think she should've shown more Slytherin ambiguity and not just talked about it) but I gotta say, little Albus Severus got off EASY compared to people like Mundungus. ;) Not the weirdest wizarding name by far.

[starvinbohemian.livejournal.com]

LOL! Fair enough. XD

Okay, so I kind of loved it, but still.

[cheyvonne.livejournal.com]

Even though I didn't really hate it, I do agree with a lot of what you had to say. Mostly with Ginny. I, too, am more of a Harry/Hermione shipper at heart, but considering Ron/Hermione is pretty much the only relationship she took the time to actually develop, I can get on board with that.

And the deaths. A lot of them were just so...sudden. Although maybe that was deliberate, I mean, death is sudden. Or something.

And the epilogue. It feels kind of empty to me. But yeah.

Re: Okay, so I kind of loved it, but still.

[starvinbohemian.livejournal.com]

I'm not upset that they all died. I'm glad really, because I think it needed to be demonstrated that you have to be willing to make sacrifices to affect the "greater good." I guess I just didn't like the way the deaths were handled. The whole book felt extremely rushed. I mean, Dobby got the greatest send-off. Granted, I never cared for Dobby, but he got a lovely faux-funeral, and my beloved Remus and Tonks got a byline. I'm also really upset about Percy and Pettigrew, whom I felt were set up for glorious, last-minute self-sacrifices. Guess not. -_- Snape's death was absurd as well. Death by floating-snake-tank? Really?

[kneazle.livejournal.com]

Rowling is very aware of all the Harry/Hermione shippers in her fanbase, and she's done nothing but condescend to them. Again: unnecessary.

I fucking love you.

I bought my book full price last Saturday, and I'm selling it to a friend on Monday for $20. Lost out no $27, but damn. I'm actually selling a Harry Potter book.

I swear, I'm going to continue to write AUs. Because, seriously -- fanon is so much more canon than JK's shit that is HBP and DH.

[starvinbohemian.livejournal.com]

LOL! Oh, that is so funny. And sad. Tragically sad. But we have to laugh or else cry, right? D:

As for Harry/Hermione... *Sigh* I knew that it wasn't going to happen in canon, but it really wasn't necessary to drive that point so home. I never really felt that Ron had a jealousy-over-Hermione issue with Harry before this book. It felt rather abrupt. And after all those comments from Rowling about Harry/Hermione shippers being "delusional..." *Sigh* She really shouldn't have said anything. :/ I also would have appreciated if she kept her thoughts about Pansy to herself. *Grumble*

[kneazle.livejournal.com]

In my heart, I knew H/Hr wouldn't be canon, but Christ, it would've been a great twist in book 7, lol!

I still haven't read it, so I can't comment about the 'jealousy' issue but I -- personally -- do not believe that teasing and disregarding someone's issues and causes like Ron did in the series -- equals love. Maybe in 'Anne of Green Gables' it worked for her and Gilbert; and ok, so, it worked with Eliza Dolittle and Henry Higgins (barely, considering "My Fair Lady" isn't that much about romance) -- but in real life, sexual tension at 16/18 doesn't mean true love.

Not how Rowling wrote it, anyway. I honestly don't know anyone who married their high school sweetheart. People change too much, IMO.

As for the 'Interview of Doom' as we "Delusional Shippers" called it -- if a movie star said something like that, they'd be forced to apologise in a press release the next day. Why didn't Rowling? It just shows that money and her inflated sense that Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny was tru wuv perfect had already gone to her head a few years ago. She was going to write that ending come hell or high water -- and from what I understand, even Emerson -- shudders, 'cuse me -- hated DH.

I've also fallen in love with Pansy -- and maybe not necessarily Pansy/Draco, but Pansy/Harry! Thank you Inell... lol...

[starvinbohemian.livejournal.com]

Aw! Anne/Gilbert!! My first love!! :D :D :D

I hate to reveal ignorance, but who's Emerson?

*Grimace* Harry, huh? Well, I'm glad that you've fallen in love with Pansy. *Pets shrine and pretends that she doesn't have an unfinished Harry/Pansy fic on her computer*

[kneazle.livejournal.com]

I love Anne/Gilbert, it's such a sweet couple, but I think they only work in a period piece compared to a modern one.

Emerson is the... um, I think the owner of Muggle.net, and Melissa Anelli is the owner of Leaky Cauldron; both were very pro-Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione before OotP even was released, and they were involved with an exlcusive interview with Rowling while she left out Nappa or the webmasters of Portkey.org (a H/Hr fansite), which wasn't fair representation, even to ask questions. But Emerson was the idiot who said H/Hr-shippers were "delusional" and caused the huuuuge blowup that occurred right after HBP came out.

Anyway, the point was, that he's a HUGE Rowling fan (someone in the HHR community posted something about not borrowing his copy of DH because he probably... uuh... 'soiled' it); however, it turned out, as rumors go, even HE disliked the ending of DH, which everyone finds surprising (he probably has a shine to Rowling or devil-woships her in a cult at his Uni -- that's how obsessed he was/is).

I actually adore Pansy now! She's like Cedric, or Tom Riddle, Blaise Zabini, etc. You can create a personality, a background that is overlooked by the original author because they have, I hate to say, minor roles. Pansy/Draco is a first OTP, but Harry/Pansy is second :D

[starvinbohemian.livejournal.com]

Oooooh. Those assholes and the Interview That Shall Not Be Named. :(

He didn't like the book? How come?

*Pets Draco/Pansy*

[kneazle.livejournal.com]

Yep, them. Apparently he said the writing was bad and the crapilogue was a fake... that ended up real. :S

My dad told me that Wal-Mart lowered the price of DH as well, not even a week after it came out... so although it's probably sold more copies (pre-ordered), it's probably lost a lot of value with people returning the book, which I've heard people do.

Or, they just want to sell more. But I almost guarentee that if Rowling ever writes a mystery series (outside of HP) like she wants, it won't sell well.

Any good rec's for Pansy/Draco, where they don't bash the Trio? And there's some H/Hr-lovin'?

[starvinbohemian.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine anything she ever writes will have the same popularity. :/

Well, it just so happens that I have a link to a Pansy rec list (http://jazzyjello.livejournal.com/42343.html) for just such occasions as this. Granted, the list is a little dated and completely non-DH compliant, but the fics are still good. Don't know how Harry/Hermione bits, though. :)

[starvinbohemian.livejournal.com]

Unless I was delusional over the fact that Harry spent half this book holding Hermione's hand. XD

[kneazle.livejournal.com]

Oh, you were, you were!!! :P

Bah -- affairs waiting to happen, I swear...

[graycloud.livejournal.com]

This interview that is not to be named.... is that the interview that you posted? I'm so confused and intrigued all at the same time!! And you know how frantic I can become in that sort of situation!

[starvinbohemian.livejournal.com]

Lol. No, we're talking about an interview Rowling gave Mugglenet a couple years ago. It was long and rather in depth, but a few things were said that offended some. The interviewers were very biased Harry/Ginny shippers, and they called Harry/Hermione shippers "delusional." Rowling laughed along with them when she arguably shouldn't have. Rowling also bashed Pansy and Draco, made some inferences that girls attracted to Draco are wrong in the head, and praised Ginny as being the most awesome character ever who is so perfect for Harry.

You can see where some people might have been offended. ;)